i've moved. physically and internet-ly. ask me to find out where i am.

you lost me

it's days like yesterday that remind me i'm still not quite ok. what makes it worse is when it drags on for a little longer than i like.

wish there was a faster antidote, but all there is, is time. and i've never been very good with time, it can choose to go as fast or slowly as it wants.

And you'll regret it, but it's too late
How can I ever trust you again?

memory

Photos are for people who can't remember.
Drink some ginkgo and let the photos burn.

-Up in the Air

BITTERSWEET

i think i'll always remember today, coming home and seeing an email. so sweet, that it's a little bitter it didn't come two years ago.

what does that say about my potential? what does it say about the past two years? how limited was i? how limitless can i be?

man it raises a lot of questions, and for the first time in my life, i cannot wait until monday morning rolls around.

water runs dry

whenever i get glimpses of my past, i always stop because they're so rare. i wonder where in my brain these memories are stored, and why the indexing is so poor.  my memory is really terrible.. if you bring up an event or something we did together, i'll probably utter "oh yeaaahhhh..", but for the most part, they're just slivers i can't quite seem to pick up by myself.

today i remembered (in the shower) how i used to sit in the shower when i was depressed, hoping someone would find me. i spend a lot of the time in the shower, its one of my favorite places to be. i know i'm wasting water, but there's something cathartic and soothing about it

anyway, what i'm trying to say is that i've been holding back on this blog, simply because of prior issues with public forums. but honestly, this blog here is for me. it's here to document and to remember for me, because it's the best way i know how. so hopefully lot's of pictures still, but even more words.

airplanes

i could really use a wish right now.

insomnia

unfortunately friends can only do so much.

bedtime

i miss my baby boy

napa valley

i'm going a little bit out of order when it comes to bloggin' my california roadtrip, but my first time to napa was pretty darn amazing, even if we did only hit up two wineries:

domaine carneros

& hendry winery. now dc may be bigger, but mr. hendry taught me how to fall in love with vino. and for that, i'm forever grateful (well, the fact that hendry had much better wines played a small factor as well).

but although wine may be a crush, food is forever. yountville, home to some mean cuisine, is my new love and i can't wait to visit again in june.

ithaca

whenever cornell university comes up, no one ever talks about how beautiful it is. all i hear is how cold, or isolated, or suicidal it is. but if it were closer, it'd be a day-trip here, a day-trip there..

maybe it's because i went to a public university, founded in the '60s, where gray eucalyptus trees are everywhere, and construction eats up every inch of green lawn, and the architecture is completely eclectic and modern..

but damn, hogwarts anyone?

i suppose i was biased by the weather, but to be honest it did snow the night before. i was just indoors.. in my hotel bed.. watching grey's anatomy with the heater on blast.

here's to global warming and keeping it spring-time all year round in ithaca for the next three years..